Teacher gifting etiquette: What is (and isn't) appropriate this holiday

It's that time of year - for rest and cheer? Nope. For scrambling to find the perfect gift for the teachers in our lives.

Like a co-parent, our child's teacher is with them half the day, contributing greatly to their development and overall well-being. There are few roles more important in a kid's life, and this is one of the moment's each year we get to say "thank you."

But there is an etiquette to teacher gifting that you may not be aware of. What you make or purchase has to be thoughtful, appropriate to the nature of the relationship and reasonable in cost.

With help from experts, here are some things to consider when choosing that perfect teacher gift.

Don't spend too much

You may not know that most public-school teachers have a limit on what they can accept. The State Ethics Commission for the government of Massachusetts, for example, states that teachers "may not accept any gift worth $50." Most other states have the same ethics code, but with a limit set even lower.

A safe bet would be to keep your gift under $20, and public opinion is right around that same number. "A good rule of thumb is to spend around $20-$30," Lauren Grace, a high school math teacher by day and crafter at night wrote on her company blog, a business that sells accessories for teachers.

"It's not so much about the price tag but the thought and appreciation that count," Grace shared with USA TODAY. "Just know that teachers can understand and appreciate financial constraints."

Choose a meaningful gift with your kids' help

We like to think we know our kids' teachers, until it's time to give a gift and we realize that isn't the case. "Ask other teachers or staff members what the teacher would enjoy because often they are friends both in and out of work and know their tastes," Maralee McKee, founder of The Etiquette School of America, shared with USA TODAY.

It is also important to involve children in the decision-making process. Have a few ideas ready that your child can choose from. Just keep in mind, the best gifts are ones that make a memory, McKee said. "Things like two tickets to a local museum or attraction, an upcoming play, or even two movie tickets and a concession stand gift card. These will leave a fantastic memory the teacher will always associate with your children and family."

Christmas 2023:The best holiday gifts for teachers, according to teachers

Be careful about gifting alcohol

Gifting alcohol is tricky, Grace shared. "While a bottle of wine can be a lovely gesture, it's essential to consider the school's policy (some may prohibit alcohol on campus, even as a gift)."

It's also wise to learn whether or not your child's teacher drinks before gifting them alcohol. Many people enjoy a good bottle of wine, but if your child's teacher doesn't, they'll probably end up regifting it. Your safest bet is to go with something else.

Still consider teachers who don't celebrate Christmas

Think of it as continued teacher appreciation. "For teachers who don't celebrate Christmas, we suggest opting for a 'thank you' gift that doesn't have holiday-themed packaging or messaging," Grace said.

McKee suggests giving a Happy New Year's card to teachers who don't celebrate a holiday in December. Add in something thoughtful that acknowledges their hard work throughout the year. The gift will be appreciated by most teachers "even if it doesn't perfectly align with their beliefs," Grace shared.

Remember to include your child in that appreciation. "Have your child write a thank you note," McKee shares. "Younger children can draw pictures and include them with the holiday card for the teacher."

For older kids, don't feel like you have to gift every teacher

This is the time in your child's education when it really is the thought that counts. Considering one teacher is easy, but 6-8 teachers? That adds up.

"When students enter middle and high school with up to seven teachers, you don't need to give each one a gift," McKee shared. "It's okay to ask your child or teen if there is a teacher or coach they would like to recognize with a gift and then purchase for just one or a few."

This is also the time in your child's life where they should be closely involved or solely responsible for what they gift their teachers. Consider having your child write each one of their teacher's a note of appreciation, add a coffee card to it and/or a baked good or bag of homemade cocoa.

Get teachers items they really want

"Copies of the newest best-selling or notable children's books to add to the classroom library are always appreciated," McKee shared. Here are some other gifts universally appreciated by teachers.

• A thoughtful note from parents and the student
• Versatile gift cards (within reason, of course)
• Coffee and chocolate (how teachers make it through the day)
• School supplies
• Gift "experiences" like tickets to a show or a museum